Saying "no" to you three times this week

This past week, you mom asked me to take care of you and your brother. I had planned to have both of you earlier this month for a week or two while your mom went to her home country, and when that long distance trip did not happen, I assumed I would not get to spend an extended vacation time with you, besides our every other weekend visits...

But plans changed (as they always do...) and last Sunday night I picked both of you up at your friends houses (even though we spent the previous weekend together at the family picnic...).

The first "no" this week was when you wanted me to let you go camping at a cabin with 6 teenage boys and 6 teenage girls (mostly 15 & 16 years old...). Yes, I had let you stay there last summer (when his parents were around...) but it was a little unclear how you would get down there to the cabin, becuase it was more then an hour away. Then it became clear that you had soccer practice the next day at 8 am (and you already missed Sundays practice, in which your mom had already reminded me off..) and possibly had to work the next evening and I might have to drive you down to the cabin and pick you up at 6:30 am to make it to soccer practice...it became way too complicated and I did not have enough time to plan it out, so the only answer was "no". Unfortunately, it took an additional fifteen minutes to convince you, I had already made the decision...

The second "no" was about your cell phone. Last month, someone stepped on your phone charger in the dorms and I said I would not replace it. This month you got into the cell phone's security codes and the phone locked up. We took it to the store and they replaced the internal chip, reviewed your cell phone records, and got things back to normal. You still need to pay your monthly fee...


The third "no" was when I picked you up after your first day of work. After waiting for 45 minutes, I then saw your brothers car in the parking lot... When you both walked out 10 minutes later, it became clear that you had made some plans to spend with your other brother before he went off to college, including staying at your brothers apartment... I told you to get permission from your mom. which you did initially, but after I was speaking with her, she changed her mind....I don't think telling her that "my brother doesn't really want to eat breakfast with you in the morning before he leaves" was the best choice of words of that time...

Getting your third apartment

Your first time living away from home last summer with Josh had me a bit nervous. No it wasn't whether you were going to be able to pay the rent, or not. It was how long before you convinced your younger brother that it would be ok to jump off the garage roof, clear the 10 ft. side of the cement pool, and make sure you hit the deep part of the pool. Now that you don't live their anymore and you and Josh are no longer on speaking terms, I can finally consider the possibility that you probably tried to dive in, after jumping off a couple of times after you had been drinking...but enough about that...

Your second apartment this past summer, was very nice. Two full bathrooms, four bedrooms, a balcony...clean and brand new for the most part.... The only thing I could not fully understand (except for the fact that your were lazy and hungry...) is why you decided to spend most of the nights at your mom's house. It could have been the lack of overnight parking spaces and strict nightly parking enforcement (I remember paying at least $120 in parking tickets). It was probably your mom's cooking and the fact that you did not have to pay for it...

Well your third apartment, has overnight parking spaces...limited enforcement of parking during the day and no problems with late night parties ( I heard only one neighbor was ever ticketed for hosting a gathering...)

I want you to know that I could not co-sign any papers, because I am broke and even if I wanted to co-sign I couldn't afford it, if you did not pay... It hurt me not being in a position to do this (most of it my fault of not handling my money well, but the $1,000 month child support did not help...).

But maybe me not helping you is helping you realize (at a much earlier age then I...) that you have to pay your bills regualarly and on time...

My 13 year old son is chatting on-line with a 13 year old girl who has twins

"but she acts just like 13 year old..."

Which is how she should be acting, regardless of becoming a parent at such a young age.

"I just want to help her...and be her friend..."

But, you must remember, you are only 13 years old too, and being a "friend" to a teenage parent is a good idea, but has the potential to be misunderstood, by her boyfriend, her parents and even your new friend.

"He kinda forced her to have the baby..."

She made some decisions that helped cause this situation to happen. The first decision she made was to not be where she told her parents she would be. Then she made the next critical decision, to decide to be alone with this person. Finally, she made another important decision to become intimate with someone else at such a young age...

I can understand how she could have been overwhelmed by these small decisions that seem inconsequential at first, but end up having pretty deep consequences....

that is why you want to be a little older before you are faced with such tough decisions....about friendships, love, dating and sex...