The college you enrolled in has the highest suicide rate

A women friend of mine, from along time ago, told me this when I shared you were going to that school.

"I graduated from there....it was a great place and a great experience.....'

"but....did you know...it had the highest suicide rate of students then any college in the country????"

and I was going to mentioned it to you....but forgot to....

until I met a volunteer, who said her brother was going to the same college. He liked it, he was on the field hockey team and was now a senior and enjoyed the whole experience....

"yeah I heard about the suicide rate, but only after he got there...my parents freaked out...but he is doing well, he really opened up and blossomed since he became the captain of the team"

"but I heard there was a suicide there last weekend, by one of the gorges..."

so I wasn't sure that mentioning this to you was a good thing or not...

so I did anyways...just in case....

Starting to see the resemblance

One of my older sons is a freshman in college, and as he was walking along the way to class, he noticed himself as he was crossing by a reflective glass building on campus.

He had his textbooks and papers on his left hand and his right hand was swingly wildly from front to back, back to front and front to back as he was walking along the sidewalk. It reminded him of how his father walked, and he laughed because he would tease his father about it, and you could always tell it was his father from a long distance.. just by his arm swinging...

Here he was... walking with the same "swinging arm". He called both his brother and sister and told them the story...they remembered the swinging arm and laughed...

My oldest son told me this story yesterday...

Sometimes being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a good reminder of how the wrong people are forced to live their lives...

I went to my poetry reading group the other night and becuase is was after our summer break, they decided to have a pot luck dinner and read poetry. When I got to the poetry organizers house, I found out it was her birthday...

She had plan to have some friends stop over after the poetry group people left, adn I stayed and had conversation and a couple of beers...

After talking with other adults about poetry, children and the upcoming election tommorrow, I forgot about the time and realized it was almost 11 pm... so I headed home...

...and realized I had no gas in my car and no cash, only my Mobil card. So I headed over to the Mobil station located in a "not too bad" neighborhood near the nigh school.

I decided to park on the right side of the station, away from the housing project traffic side and got out of my car and went to the passenger side to use my card and put gas in.

There was red sporty looking car on the other side of the gas pumps and as I glanced over I noticed the car had the drivers side door open and the driver was rolling a marijuana cigarette...

I smiled to myself and got the pumped started, when I overheard someone in the red car say. "I will give that guy something to look at when I kick his ass for being so fuckin nosy..."

and realized he was talking about me and I opened the back side door of the car to see if I had something to protect myself with, just in case something did happen...

but there was nothing there and my gas tank was full and I put the hose back when I noticed someone from the red car and started to come around the passenger side and heading towards me...

It could have been the fact that I did not shave that day and sported a scruffy face, or it could have been the fact that they must have thought I might have been related to the gas station owner, or he realized I did not have my back turned and must have had my fist clenched already... but he stopped in his tracks and left...

I haven't felt like this (anger and a little fear...) since I was about 24 years old and Gilbert and I fought over a girl, and I had talked with the girl about what I would do if Gilbert and I ever got in a fight...and a half hour later it happened exactly the way I had "seen it"

It was a good reminder that the world is a pretty safe place as long as you stay away from the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people

Getting your first soccer win on your new soccer team

The last couple of years you played with MG soccer team.

You met some of the players on a summer 3 on 3 league the recreation department
had put together the year I left the house.

The year before you played on a soccer team that practiced in Whitetail Ridge Park for a couple of years.

Before that you played on a team that consisted of players from a former rival.

The year before that you were on the PC CLub team

and the year before that, I was your coach and we played in a kindergarten league.

Each time on a new team, you stress a little but it seems to have gotten easier this time with the two players from your recent team on the roster and a player from your Princeton Club team playing with you again.

You played hard, kept moving, but twisted your back a little bit on that shot. It was nice playing in the cool fall weather, better then the mosquitos the night before at practice.

You mentioned one of the kids called you a "faggot" and refused to shake your hand after the game and i appreciate your ability to control your temper and not repond back negatively, and share what happened at the game with me on the way home before I bought you the two McChickens and M & M Swirly ice cream

You asked me twice if I was coming out to see you in college

Your mom had mentioned that you were a little "shocked" by what students brought along with them as they moved into the dormitories during freshmen move in time last week.

They had new computers, stereos and I-Pods and laptops and clothes and furniture.

"What did you expect them to bring at an Ivy League school" She replied.

We prepared you to have those things (personal strength, cultural understanding, and sense of self) inside you, that the other "things would not matter".

We asked if you wanted us to be there the first weekend to drop you off, and since you have "lived there" for seven months it did not seem as important...

Maybe it wasn't those "things", as it was your parents not being there...

Maybe that is why you asked me twice if I was coming out to see you...

Last weekend, I did not get much sleep Saturday night

9:30 pm I went to sleep...

10:45 pm My daughter called to say she was coming home...in a half hour

11:05 pm I went back to sleep...

11:15 pm My daughter makes it home...

11:30 pm My son called to let me know I had to drive him to a breakfast meeting at 7 am and had to pick him up at 6:30 am becuase his car is in the shop

12:05 am I went back to sleep again...

12:45 am My friend called to say he was probably not coming over to sleep at my house in order to make it to the fantasy football draft

1:15 am I almost went back to sleep...

1:30 am I went back to sleep

2:45 am My friend call to confirm he is not coming tonight, but will be there in the morning...

5:00 am I wake up, but now I am afraid I will fall back again and be late

5:15 am I set the alarm for 5:30 am

5:30 am I just fell asleep in time to wake up for the alarm

6:00 am I wake up and get dressed

6:30 am My son is still sleeping when I get to his apartment

6;50 am We make it to the breakfast diner

7:10 am None of his co-workers have showed up yet, despit the fact that he wrote 7:00 on his hand to remind him of his appt. I stay for breakfast

7:45 am We see one of his former youth soccer teamates and his parents. he remembered the teamate and I remember the parents. The kids does not come back to say "hi" I never like him much either...

8:00 am His co-workers arrive, as doe shis former high school wrestling coach and wife. We talk for a bit...

8:15 am After checking in with him one more time I leave

8:30 am My friend calls and says he is a half hour away... I try to get some sleeep

8:55 am I am almost asleep, so I call him to ask if he remembers how to get here.. which he does...well sort of...

9:30 am My friends makes it and wants to take a nap...

10:05 am My son calls and tells me he needs a ride home....

10:10 am While I am in the car, my son calls again and says his sister is supposed to be at work this morning at 10:00 am and do I know where she is...

10:15 am I call my daughter and wake her up and tell her to get ready...by the time I get to the house it is 10:20 am and I do not have time to make food for the draft...my girlfriend drops my daughter off and picks up my son...

11:15 am The chicken and rice I made is done as well as a fine mess in the kitchen, Which I decided is not a good idea,,so I spend a few minutes cleaning...

11:30 am My son wants a ride home and wonders if he could borrow my car

12:00 am We make it to the fantasy draft, but no one is there...

4:00 pm I get a call that my daughter borrowed some of my girlfriends clothes and forgot to either ask or bring them back....

5:00 pm My son uses my car but forgets to put gas in it..

6:00 pm I finish the draft and make it home....

Somethings are free somethings are not free...

Chatting on line with someone is free, well sort of, after you count having a computer and DSL line and an internet browser...

Local telephone calls are free, well not free... but cheaper then long distance ones...

Going for a walk around the house is free, except for the fact that I bought a new house after the divorce...

Text messages are free, well you pay a small fee for the first one hundred, so I guess one of them has to come out being free...

Long distance calls are never free, especially the $80 worth of calls you mae last month. I know you do not have the money to pay for them...even if I thought for a second that you did...

I called you tonight, to let you know that long distance calls are not free..
and I think you understood now...

You decided not to go out for sports in college and let me know by email

I think it was early last year, when I said ...either he will go out or he will quit...there is no in between...

Your sister told me when you talked to her last week when you went off to college, that you said...

"I am not going to wrestle....Dad is going to be pissed off and mad at me..."

She said " yeah, he will be upset for a little while, but he loves you no matter what you do...you know that"

The fact that this is a sport you have excelled at, and you would have some very top wrestlers to work out with (which is key to getting better...) and be in a top 10 wrestling program only makes it worse when you get older and realize what an opportunity you had before you and you will regret your decision.

You already knew how I felt about you wrestling in college...what I have always felt...do it for yourself and not me....

So I left the decision to you...